Tyrranical list? What are you talking about, Fern?
Many of you will recognize it: the list of acceptable grades, extracurriculars, leadership programs, jobs, internships, sports and talents that parents push their kids to accumulate for their high school transcript. You know, the list that will get them into the very best college possible. This list is a very narrow definition of success.
Sadly, much is lost along the road to ‘the best college you can get into’. With the focus on what can be documented and measured and checked off the college planning list, many kind, sensitive, absolutely normally imperfect children burn out. When who they are is overshadowed by what they can accomplish, they lose pieces of themselves. They live in a state of worry, self-doubt, and uncertainty, and fear of disappointing their parents.
How do you fit in this picture? Allow your children to experience childhood. All of it. The love, the chores, the gradual handing over of responsibility for their life. This is their preparation for life.
Julie Lythcott-Haims, former Dean of Freshmen at Stanford University, makes the case for parents to stop defining their children’s success via grades and test scores when thinking about college planning. She says it so much better than I can (and with lots of humor). I urge you to watch her TED talk, “How to raise successful kids – without over-parenting.”
Thanks to my friend and colleague, Jessica Bush (of Tutor Doctor of North Jersey & Rockland) for bringing this talk to my attention (and now yours), and to Hyde School for teaching me a better way to parent and to just be.